Weakness

Without a doubt, my greatest weakness is my inability to let go.  Not in an artistic sense, I don't seem to have too much of a problem with that, and not even in a material sense.  I can't let go of people.  Events will change and mold circumstance.  There are reasons why things are the way they are... reasons I decided to "let someone go."  But I never really do.

Time passes by and I question why I did it to begin with.  I must have just been crazy.  I must have just been unreasonable.  When time passes and people change... especially for the better, I seem to isolate their current selves and extend into some sort of backwards logic that makes me think that's how they've always been, and the fact that I'm no longer a large part of their life is entirely my fault... like I'm a moron, or a bad friend.

But I know that's not the case, yet I relent the loss.  I still want to be that special person they can rely on.  I want to be an important part of their lives, and likewise, I want them to be an important part of my own.  But I feel like it's too late, because I can't let go of my fear.

Call it a natural defense... I suppose if I had a much larger amount of free time in my life I would have dedicated it to restoring these relationships I cherished so much.

But I don't.

I don't think people really care anyway.  I care too goddamn much.  I feel all the time. I think obsessively, and maybe a fraction of that makes it into the atmosphere... I'm a fucking idiot.


PS... to anyone who may refer to themselves as some sort of magical or ethereal being yet barely knows how to spell, use proper grammar, or even appropriate word choice... think... I was going to say twice, but just think in the first place about referring to yourself as an "artist".

If you are going to sling around the term so loosely, you might as well consider yourself a person.  By lose definition, an artist is someone who creates something to express themselves... I'm pretty confident most 5 year olds are capable of this.  So if everyone does it, what is the point of differentiating the term? Should you consider yourself a shitter because you shit?  I suppose you could if that makes you feel better, but honestly, unless you're truly an accomplished piece of shit... maybe you should reconsider.  Everyone shits.

As defined by "Wiki" the pop-culturely accepted form of definition...

Modern Theory of Art

[edit]The present day concept of an 'artist'

Artist is a descriptive term applied to a person who engages in an activity deemed to be an art. An artist also may be defined unofficially as "a person who expresses him- or herself through a medium". The word is also used in a qualitative sense of, a person creative in, innovative in, or adept at, an artistic practice.

Most often, the term describes those who create within a context of the fine arts or 'high culture', activities such as drawing, painting, sculpture, acting, dancing, writing, filmmaking, photography, and music—people who use imagination, talent, or skill to create works that may be judged to have an aesthetic value. Art historians and critics define artists as those who produce art within a recognized or recognizable discipline.

As you can see I took the liberty to highlight what I felt was most essential to note.

If I am subject to such high levels of criticism, yet come out having my work as "adept" or "skilled", then I have earned my title.  I am an artist.  You are not.