What Will Grow Crooked...

When the light shines and it burns our eyes, we look away in denial because we can handle anything.

Supporting the underdog doomed to die only ensures a fixed position in life, 6 feet under the underdog.

Making the wrong friends to piss off the right ones will get you far for sure.

Living in pain everyday is an indicator of nothing?

I laugh my ass off because crying is getting old.

Old Alunae Snippet

I've been writing a lot recently and I've been sifting through the ever-so-impending stack of papers that is everything that is Alunae up until this point.  Let's see, 3 binders, 2, 3 subject notebooks, and 2 folders (including a Chuck Norris one) folder filled to the limit with all my past notes, writings, alternative stories, versions, etc... I've re-started that particular novel 5 times and have more or less written it entirely 2 times over.  Needless to say, there's a lot.

Anyway, one of the best finds was a brief excerpt from Captain Jonathan's point of view, originally written April 10, 2011.  Ironically, I found and read this exactly 3 years after it was originally written... so I thought, "That's pretty neat."  So Ima share it...

    What makes her that way?  The way she teases me, tortures me without a word.  Her gaze deconstructs everything I have ever known and reassembles it all back according to her design...  And quite honestly I'm unaware of what that is precisely.

    What to do?

    This is no pleasant or desired state to find one's self in... somewhere between the walks of life's true beauty and utmost agony.

    I study from afar, I admire in proximity, and there I shall remain.

    Others do not understand, let alone appreciate her for how truly remarkable she is.  They tread so closely, so blindly, so confidently.  Alas, they do not deserve her.  I do not deserve her.

J. Harold


Aw.  What a sad romantic.

Pure word vomit

Threads unraveling,
Spirits traveling.
While your mind is ravaging
Your heart,
Quested for the soul,
While paying the toll,
The whole way.
Not even to stay.
But to transgress,
Through this hostile plane,
Unwelcoming terrain.
I digress,
And I must stress
Now we must rest
For what they may say
When we reach the day
To take the "final test."

Alas it is not the end.
Nor is it the beginning.
I laugh because this is why our heads are spinning.

To those with a superior point of view,
I assure you,
I'm only here to confuse you.

All Boiling Over

I haven't written on here in ages.  So much to the point that I was beginning to wonder if I ever would again.  This life moves so quickly.  People move on from one thing to the next without a first thought, let alone a second one.  Truthfully, it's why I feel safe saying whatever the hell I want... because sure, you may be mad for a second until you go watch TV or something...
Besides being overtly negative already, I mostly just haven't known how to express exactly everything I've been thinking.  Then I realized it wasn't a matter of not being able to, I don't want to.

Simply put my days of being able to relate the particulars of my life are now over.  That's okay with me, entirely.

I've been through a lot since I've moved down here.  On a basic level, I've lost about 20 lbs, negative relationships are no longer weighing me down, and existentially I've completely transformed but I am wholly who I have always been...  it's nice.

I've been all over the place creatively.  Writing, painting, costuming.  I'm mostly anxiety ridden about not having the ability to get out and photograph some of my most recent work, but with a little patience, that will come in due time.

Good things are happening and even better things are coming.