Tuesday, June 16, 2015

"French Swan"

So I started to get into writing fiction again (much for the efforts to save my sanity). This was sort of a warm-up and I was inspired by the idea of the reverse "ugly duckling" tale, which may have been done before, but whateva. There may be some historical allegory in their as well but who cares?!
... without further ado:

-French Swan-

   "A long time ago I use to be well acquainted with this French swan..."
   "Two questions-" a child, much, much younger than the man he was speaking to interjected.
   The old man subtly huff-grumbled, having barely begun at all. Kids these days.  He picked up a long pipe from the stand beside his chair and pushed the contents of whatever was inside down before lighting it and taking a long, drawn-out puff before he continued.
   Waving away the dense fog of unique smoke lingering in his wake he began, "I suppose to add yet another question to your greedy list of inquiries, you would also like to know why I don't hesitate to set such a bad example for you?  Tell me something first; If you already know it's wrong, then what do I have to do with it?"
   The child blinked absently.
   The old man seemed to have expected nothing less.  He continued with a sigh, "The swan was French because it's an analogy for this French woman I use to know, if you can call her that.  I find it easier to think of her as a swan... They share a lot of qualities, which is the point of my story.  Now if you don't mind..."
   "I never even asked-"
   This time, it was the old man's turn to interrupt,  "Well what else could it have been?  I hadn't even finished the first sentence of my story before you stopped me."
   The child's response was silence.

   "She was beautiful. " The old man continued.
   "I gave her everything, this Swan.  She seemed so pure with her white feathers, her peaceful yet quirky disposition, and especially what I thought was her intelligence. "
   "What you thought?"
   "Well, at the time, I taught her everything that I knew and as you know, I know a lot of things.  Consequently, the Swan ended up learning a lot of things, which hardly seems like a bad thing right? "  The old man looked to the child for the first time since their conversation began without a level of irritation to his tone or countenance.
   The child nodded in agreement, like children predictably do...
   " Yeah, I use to believe that.  Back when I was young and naive, I use to believe that everyone had a right to knowledge and if they had the ability to obtain it, then they ought to.  I suppose deep down, I still fundamentally believe this. "
   "Then what was wrong with her?" The child asked innocently.
   " Well turns out there's a big difference between knowing the dance moves and being the one who invented them.  You see,  back then I didn't realize that she was actually just an imitation.  And very much like a swan, she had her beauty to make up for her true lack of understanding for all the things I thought I had taught her."
   "How does that make sense?"

   "Beauty is a very distracting notion.  The concept of it is nearly impossible to explain and it's perimeters are ever-shifting.  For some reason though, it makes things easier for those whom are considered to be such, or so it would appear.  That being said, one could dance their way through life using beauty as their fuel source... but as I said, beauty is ever changing and can fade, sometimes never to return again."

   "So what does this have to do with a swan other than the fact that she was beautiful? Is she ugly now?"
   "Perhaps she was never beautiful to begin with?" The old man trailed off dejectedly, "For you see, all that she knew was imitation and once the wellspring of her source made itself unavailable to her, she flew away looking elsewhere to drink.  Nothing truly ever suited her tastes as she never truly formed any of her own.  Eventually, her wings grew tired, completely depleted of their borrowed fuel source.  She did indeed wither quickly thereafter."
   The child looked to the old man with a glint of terror within his eyes.
   "Now let me ask you something." The old man said, "Do you know what happens to a swan who has lost its beauty and ability to fly?"
   The child shook its head.
   "They chop its head off!"
   "That's terrible!" The child dejected.
   "No.  That's mercy."  The old man retorted.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

"Erotic Quiz" Part 3 (final)

--- If you would like to read part 1 or 2, learn to use technology better than myself (shouldn't prove too difficult) and click on stuff until you find it... or not.
Without further ado:

21. Is it easy to find your way through life?
-I am instantly bored and uninterested in anyone who finds that to be the case themselves. What's the point if it's easy? I find I always swim the current as best as I can and I always end up somewhere good eventually,  even if it's not where or what I intended.

22. Do you enjoy challenges?
-Mostly, I live for them, but right now I could stand to have a few less.

23. How do you feel when you don't get what you want?
- Like I fucked something up. I blame any inability to obtain (even group goals and efforts) on myself entirely. "I must have missed something." "I didn't work hard enough." "Maybe this isn't what I (we) wanted at all. It provokes the most obsessive thought process that I possess. It's why I'm an insomniac and never stop...

24. Are you comfortable around others who have qualities,  possessions,  and partners you also desire?
-As long as I feel they deserve it, appreciate it... I could give a rat's ass. If I want it bad enough, I'll figure out something and that has nothing to do with anyone else.

25. Do you stare into the mirror and contemplate your person for an extended period of time?
-Once in a great while. The lines on our face tell us how we've really been feeling regardless of what we tell ourselves. I feel the mind, body, and spirit are intrinsically tied to one another. How can you assess the full picture without ever assessing the vessel? How you treat it speaks volumes.

26. Do you enjoy the outdoors?
-I don't understand why I have to live "indoors". Outside is where life is. I wish I could be in it constantly.

27. What is your favorite recreational activity?

28. Do you believe in a "Cosmic Force," a "Devine Creator," or "God" if you will?
-I find it illogical to believe otherwise. As for titles... "we all believe in the same creator, all else is a dispute over triffles."

29. Are you a planner, fly by the seat of your pants, or somewhere in between?
-Well if there's one thing I'm not, it's somewhere in between. I extremely fluctuate between those two extremes. Some plans I've nurtured have taken over a decade to come to fruition. The longest plan I have stuck to took 14 years... One I'm working on is getting close to 20, but I'm almost there. Boy, how sweet it is. Not bad considering I'm 26. Most other things are by the seat of my pants though, which I'm pretty good at... too much resources dedicated to those long term plans...

30. In life, what is the most important thing?
-To live! Duh! Life and experience is to enrich the soul. How you gonna do it if you're just always waiting on that conveyor belt of time? "You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?" -Modest Mouse

And that is all! Thanks for taking time to consider some of my insights.

As for the "erotic" part, this is derivative from the Greek term "Eros" meaning to come or bind together. It is for this "missing link" between our Psyches (souls) that drives our desires (Desire being the primary definition of Eros) to create, to become closer through sex, creating children, art.... everything we want as a reflection of our Psyches... If you really review this quiz, it's entirely about wants, desires.... and if we can answer these questions that mysterious link (Free Will/Mental Consciousness) will help to reveal to us who our souls really are.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

"Erotic Quiz" Part 2

Part 1: http://ckaramol.blogspot.com/2015/05/erotic-quiz-part-1.html

11. "I feel like I try to make the best of circumstances. "
- Honestly, if that wasn't the core of being to do such, I would be dead already. I am insufferable when it comes to looking for a silver lining so much to the effect that my loved ones force me to stop for fear of my health.

12. "I often I feel I give too much of myself away."
- I'm very aware of the fact that I may center subjects around myself to provide a "stick my neck out there to embarass myself for the sake of providing for a private chance for my quieter friends to have a chance to apply it to themselves in a non-obtrusive manner" sort of technique that may make me appear to be giving over much of myself, but I was never talking about me. I feel I give everything I have and 90% of it goes unnoticed. This frustrates and hurts me to no end,  but I wil not stop, ever.

13. Do you expect a return on curteous efforts?
-Never. It makes me feel like my gesture added guilt to the person and that was never my intention. An occassional overall acknowledgement would do anyone some good from time to time. However, I do expect to not be treated poorly when I do extend those efforts.

14. Is respect earned?
-I find there is a basic level of respect given to any at first, but that level could decline rapidly or increase over time.

15. "Winning comes easily to me."
-So much in fact, I rarely participate in group competition so everyone else stands a chance of having fun. Except bowling. I think that's the one thing I chose to be bad at.

16. "I tend to find other people respond well to my personality."
-Somedays I'm so charming, you'd think I was the antichrist.  And somedays, you'd just think I was the antichrist.

17.  "I am comfortable with my sexuality."
-You have no idea... "Comfort" isn't enough of a word.

18. What is your favorite hobby?
-Video gamez

19. What is your favorite passion?
-The preservation of our home. To reuinite those I care about with their deepest selves I know they feel dwelling within but don't know how to bring themselves out. To liberate those who would use the opportunity to expand and glorfy the beauteous world around them. I strive for harmony, balance, and truth. That is my passion.

20. What is your favorite food?
-I gotta be honest, Nathan's cooking which has no definable perimeters... but after that, vegetarian Greek and Lebanese.

Friday, May 1, 2015

"Erotic Quiz" Part: 1

I'll get to the bottom of what I'm implying by "erotic" when I am through with this (what will be) 3 part survey.  It was something I was suddenly inspired to write (the questions that is) a few mornings ago and then to send out to a few of my closest companions.

The idea was I would ask these series of questions with no follow-through or commentary after the fact.  I had a lot of goals I wished to achieve with my friends but what has inspired me to take this "quiz" myself was because of what they bore to me.  I figured it only fair.

I was honored and humbled that these individuals were willing to trust me enough to expose their true feelings on these subjects and for that, I wish to inspire more honesty and trust like this in others. So, without further ado, I thank you already for taking the time to read this.  I hope it leaves you with something.

1. When you struggle to obtain something that you want, how does that make you feel?
This is probably one of the most frustrating aspects to my life.  Material gains I'm rather accustomed to not having but when it comes to life not working out the way I want it to, plans astray, goals not obtained... I can become rather defeated at times.  Needless to say I never quit, so intense frustration results.  To quote my husband, "When Christine stops getting angry, that's when I'll be worried about her."

2. When you don't get to do something of your choosing for a long time, how do you typically respond?
Oh, boy... down right rebellious.  I can push a lot of buttons and throw up quite an array of obsessive, reclusive, depressed, and angry emotions and behaviors.  I go in and out of different levels of patience tolerance depending on the current stress level of my life.

3. Would you consider yourself to be a decisive individual?
As far as the mundane and the day to day goes, I am the MOST indecisive person I know.  It even irritates me.  I can't even decide what to eat most times.  I never know if I do or don't want to go somewhere, I don't know if I want to sleep or manically stay up for three nights in a row and make something absurd... However, when I have a precise goal in mind... I am so decisive, that if anyone could really see it's depths to my supporting reasoning to my opinions and decisions they would feel very small.  I can say this with such confidence that I welcome anyone with a low enough inferiority complex that they would pick such a tactless argument, to go right on ahead an challenge it... but wouldn't you rather just go do something else?

4. Would you consider yourself to be an individual?
I consider myself The Individual's Individual.

5. "I often feel I get what I want."
In the long run, yes.  Oh, very much so.

6. "I often feel I express myself well."
Relatively speaking, I find I express myself better and in more forms to a proficient degree than anyone I know... however, I strive and push myself so hard (and it's never good enough...) because no, I really don't feel I ever express myself well... at least well enough.  I tend to create a lot of beauty in the attempts though.

7. Do you find yourself embracing others of similar interests or do you tend to find yourself around others in very different lifestyles of your own?
I use to think that I embraced others of all varieties because that's the thing you're suppose to do for some reason... but even though I think there is always something to be gained from our differences... psh, I'm totally a bird.  Birds of a feather... Your average individual cannot digest my company and frankly, I'd rather spend my time more productively.

8. Are you adventurous?
Yes and No.  My heart yearns for great adventure, but what I consider to be an adventure may be a dramatic bore to others.  I tend to go a lot of places, meet a great variety of people, experience many dangerous and incredible natural wonders that most would never (and shouldn't) even go near.  I love roller coasters and loud concerts. (I enjoy complex social drama...) I love to swim in the ocean... but... adventure to me is only worthwhile with others or without others getting in my way.  Unfortunately, that is extremely difficult to come by these days... so I guess that's where the "No" part comes in.  Not really fair.

9. Do you enjoy travel?  How often?  What sort of travel?  Why do you travel?
I adore travel.  Sometimes I feel like I would never stop moving if given the opportunity (although then I would miss home too much... I do like "Home.")  I don't get to travel nearly as often as I would like in the last few years and I couldn't even give an "ideal" of what seems reasonable.   Some years are chaotic and meant to be spent home, frustrated, thinking, and developing, while others are about decompressing and expanding our universes...which is why I travel.  What sort?  I love anything that takes me as far away from any human as possible in most cases, but... man, I tell you... a good trip to a good city, with good art, entertainment, culture, and especially HISTORY.  I need that too.

10. "I am happy with who I am."
At the end of the day, I couldn't be happier to be any other son-of-a-bitch alive or dead... but sometimes I really hate myself.  I mean, sometimes I really hate myself to the point of just not wanting to exist.  I get so bent up what I view stress and depression does to me, that sometimes I just don't feel like I know who I am and that's when I am VERY unhappy with myself.  As long as I hold on to what I know is true about me, nothing can bring me down and I even tend to make more practical, and calmed decisions in every aspect of my life.

End of Part 1

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Making Fantasy Reality

Alright, I know I've whined on numerous occasions about NOT posting anymore of my work for reasons you can backlog for yourself in this blog if you're truly interested... but I knew even then, that was complete and utter bullshit... when it's something I'm really excited about at least, for instance:

Lately, one of my many current obsessions has been doll customization.  On the doll herself, I made everything (save my friend's beautiful crochet heart lace that lines the bottom of the dress) including an under chemise, a top bodice, sleeves, bottom skirt, headdress, re-plugged her hair, and "decorated" her face with some paint n' pigments.  Her entire outfit is completely designed by me and hand-stitched based on my idea of the "Red Queen" from Alice in Wonderland... not to be confused with "The Queen of Hearts."  Of course, there's lots of hidden, fun symbolism in there as always and I mean so much more than I superficially imply.  This in a way though, is my own character based on a most obvious, and otherworldly shining figure of history.  If you don't know who I'm talking about  LEAVE NOW AND NEVER RETURN!  I'm serious.

Oh yes, and most recently, I made her her neck "ruff" out of the weirdest stuff... some "puffy paint" and some wire.  It was fun.

I've done several others that are rather elaborate and definitely photo worthy, but this is my current favorite.  I may get around to posting the others, but I'm always moving forward so quickly on so many things that you'll probably just see the new stuff if you're lucky.

Now, the scene was assembled by myself but without my husband these photos would not be even NEAR as spectacular as what they are.  Somewhere between his current new obsession with the particulars of the camera and his longstanding, always developing relationship with Photoshop...
Oh the possibilities.

And these aren't even his "fun" edits...  This one here we have dubbed the "Skyrim edit."

Monday, March 9, 2015


It's been a long time since I've expressed myself on this medium.  I'm somewhat surprised that I'm on here at all, but then again, I'm not.

I have this compulsion to always keep moving.  I'm not condoning or suggesting that what should or shouldn't be done, nor is it all that I consider or do; however, "the itch" as I have so creatively -sarcasm- assigned it to be known as is a continuous, haunting and driving force in my life.

Needless to say my life has been moving so fast but not in so many aspects, that I'm just not really sure what to say.

...I guess when you get down to it, it's really for the vanity of letting the few who do read this know that I'm not always a pile of anger and sadness.

Usually when I'm happy, I'm doing stuff, I'm not writing blogs.

Wait... so that suggests....

No, I used the dis-qualifier "usually," Silly Goose.