Sunday, November 23, 2014

I wouldn't waste your time...

A finite system of checks and balances,
Do exhaust.
Working tirelessly
For those who don't even know
They're lost.

What a grandiose claim!
How inordinately vain!

Silly fool,
My heart bleeds for you.

The difference of what you displace
Will invert and fuck up your already
questionable face.

Unaware tool,
My heart resents you.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014


In the ultimate pursuit to denote the self from the concept of God, humanity as a whole has taken "individuality" (which is what that is) to wasted heights.
Meaning, I see so many striving so hard to be completely 100% original that the utter rejection of everything that has come before has led us to no meaning.  "For the sake of it." Wee.  How fulfilling.

The boiling point has already passed and there is no turning back.  Just lay down.  It'll be easier. Humans like easy.

I laugh so much at this ludicrous reawakened desire to pursue fantasy, "art,"...... everyone longing for images of our glorious past... because we don't or can't accept that moving forward in the timeline, doesn't always mean it's better.  But we won't obtain this... no because we would have to accept that we're wrong now... and then even if we do that, then we got to fix it all...

Good luck with that.

This rejection of everything before us because it's not "now" or "part of progress" (which is a fucking slogan, not something people actually deconstruct and think about)... that'll be our graves.


And you know why I can post this??? BECAUSE NO ONE LOOKS 5 INCHES IN FRONT OF THEIR NOSES!!!
Not even my damn parents whom I've directed this way many times in desperate attempts to get them to engage on a meaningful level.  And people wonder why I don't call them.  Why I seriously am just going to pack my shit one of these days and not look back,,, not even once.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Paradox of Will

Has it ever been considered
before that angels and demons
are one in the same?
And all that made the
was determined from
an individual's choice
on whom brought them
pleasure or pain?

As though these creatures'
soul purposes
were to direct you
in every way.
As though the individual
doesn't have a say.

But to me, you see,
I understand
that to deny freewill
is to deny purpose.
To live
without both
pleasure and pain
is to live with nothing to gain.

So I beg,
how might evil exist?
Only in your mind,
if you choose
to persist.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

From the Mountain

If you could come into my home,
You would immediately know.

If you could look into my eyes,
Just once,
Trust me,
It would show.

The tides are turning
And our hearts are yearning
For something more.
I can feel it in my core,
The sound of Ares' footsteps at my door.

No one listens, while I implore.
Life's greatest mysteries,
I do adore.

Let's have tea soon, kay?

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Ready for the time of year
Where little faerie bugs hum in your ear?

Remember the summers
Where everything was exciting,
Our hearts igniting,
And there was no dream  of fighting?

I recall the past
Where our feelings were true,
Forever wanting them to last.

And now we're here.
I feel your denial coming in quite clear.
The summers are not warm,
They're cold.
Longing for the days of old.

'Tis a shame,
For my summers never end.
I want you now
Just like I wanted you then.
But I'll wait for you to be done playing pretend,
So we can get on with the greater joys again.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What Will Grow Crooked...

When the light shines and it burns our eyes, we look away in denial because we can handle anything.

Supporting the underdog doomed to die only ensures a fixed position in life, 6 feet under the underdog.

Making the wrong friends to piss off the right ones will get you far for sure.

Living in pain everyday is an indicator of nothing?

I laugh my ass off because crying is getting old.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Old Alunae Snippet

I've been writing a lot recently and I've been sifting through the ever-so-impending stack of papers that is everything that is Alunae up until this point.  Let's see, 3 binders, 2, 3 subject notebooks, and 2 folders (including a Chuck Norris one) folder filled to the limit with all my past notes, writings, alternative stories, versions, etc... I've re-started that particular novel 5 times and have more or less written it entirely 2 times over.  Needless to say, there's a lot.

Anyway, one of the best finds was a brief excerpt from Captain Jonathan's point of view, originally written April 10, 2011.  Ironically, I found and read this exactly 3 years after it was originally written... so I thought, "That's pretty neat."  So Ima share it...

    What makes her that way?  The way she teases me, tortures me without a word.  Her gaze deconstructs everything I have ever known and reassembles it all back according to her design...  And quite honestly I'm unaware of what that is precisely.

    What to do?

    This is no pleasant or desired state to find one's self in... somewhere between the walks of life's true beauty and utmost agony.

    I study from afar, I admire in proximity, and there I shall remain.

    Others do not understand, let alone appreciate her for how truly remarkable she is.  They tread so closely, so blindly, so confidently.  Alas, they do not deserve her.  I do not deserve her.

J. Harold

Aw.  What a sad romantic.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Pure word vomit

Threads unraveling,
Spirits traveling.
While your mind is ravaging
Your heart,
Quested for the soul,
While paying the toll,
The whole way.
Not even to stay.
But to transgress,
Through this hostile plane,
Unwelcoming terrain.
I digress,
And I must stress
Now we must rest
For what they may say
When we reach the day
To take the "final test."

Alas it is not the end.
Nor is it the beginning.
I laugh because this is why our heads are spinning.

To those with a superior point of view,
I assure you,
I'm only here to confuse you.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

All Boiling Over

I haven't written on here in ages.  So much to the point that I was beginning to wonder if I ever would again.  This life moves so quickly.  People move on from one thing to the next without a first thought, let alone a second one.  Truthfully, it's why I feel safe saying whatever the hell I want... because sure, you may be mad for a second until you go watch TV or something...
Besides being overtly negative already, I mostly just haven't known how to express exactly everything I've been thinking.  Then I realized it wasn't a matter of not being able to, I don't want to.

Simply put my days of being able to relate the particulars of my life are now over.  That's okay with me, entirely.

I've been through a lot since I've moved down here.  On a basic level, I've lost about 20 lbs, negative relationships are no longer weighing me down, and existentially I've completely transformed but I am wholly who I have always been...  it's nice.

I've been all over the place creatively.  Writing, painting, costuming.  I'm mostly anxiety ridden about not having the ability to get out and photograph some of my most recent work, but with a little patience, that will come in due time.

Good things are happening and even better things are coming.