Winter won't be so winter next year...

So, get ready for a dump of a lot of things... today, I'm dreadfully tired.  I work every night of the week anywhere from an average from 3pm until 1-2 in the morning.  Then, of course, I go home and I don't get to sleep until 1-2 hours after that fact.  Given that I won't think twice about spending time with my husband, sometimes it's even later.  And every morning, at the latest I'm up by is 9, but some days, earlier.
Am I complaining?  Only a little bit.  I'm just tired mostly.  In a weird way, this obsessive working is addictive.  Seeing something change so much in the matter of only a few days leaves you in this weird state of time seeming like it isn't moving, but going all too quickly at the same time.  I seem to have a hard time recollecting what my project looked like the day before because of the progress I have made in such a short amount of time, but simultaneously can only see what I don't have finished.  The process seems to never have an end.

I think that may speak volumes about many things in life.  Not even entirely in a pessimistic way.
Before I move on to the next bit of nonsense I would like to ramble on about... here's some progress pictures (still not completely up to date).

This isn't a very good picture of it, but this is the in-progress picture of a copper metal brooch I'm working on.  In the end, each layer will be patinated in different tones.  In case it's too hard to tell, it's a snail shell, coral, and more coral in the background.  I'm making it for Nathan to encourage him throughout his studies, and to express how proud I am of him.

This is MUCH further along now, which is cool because this was only taken maybe 3 days ago.  The entire floor is tiled now, more or less.  But that's the most up to date version of Marfish in the toilet.  He still needs his glowing cigarette (which I'm still debating how to make), eyes, and a nice slimy sheen to him.

So you can see how ridiculous my hair is currently...  I think you can almost see how tired I am in this picture... the fact that I say, "almost" speaks volumes though.

The next few pictures will just be the creation of Marfish, not necessarily in order...

Now onto something else...  I hope I still have the attention of anyone who is still reading this...

Anyway, very rarely these days do I record any of my thoughts.  I've been at this constant state of busy that doesn't allow for boredom but isn't so overwhelming that I have to vent somehow.  Well, this moment, I'm so busy that I've gotten to that overwhelming point... so here's a dump of a bunch of stuff I've written just this morning (although, admittedly not all of it... some of it would probably really offend people, and I'm not really into that, it wasn't my intention anyway.)

So soft.
Such a warming touch,
A reassuring disposition.
It must be genuine.

Flawless hair to match a
Flawless face.
Yet, lifeless eyes.

Demon.

All the instruments of benefit,
The likelihood of victory.

A soul? An internal war raging?  Impossible.
Reality only exists in which that is revealed.

So why does the world stop breathing?

At moments it sighs, sometimes weeps.

Other moments it has smiled, but have you witnessed it?

Perhaps it has been winter for too long.

It is not so simple.
The expression of simpler minds ravage your own.
How could they possibly know?

You want them to understand,
To truly understand...
But it would only be cruel
Because your efforts would be in vain.
They have always been.

This is how you know the difference.

Demon, why do you even bother?

Someday, you will get whatever you deserve.

Pay no heed to your personal pity.
The acknowledgement only intensifies the truth and devalues anything else that could possibly be enjoyed or loved.

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I could write about the beauty of the land, just as much as I could photograph, or paint it, even talk about it.  As much as I revel in the miracle and gift this world really is, to comment on it is... at the very least redundant, cliche, and honestly and insult to what it truly is, something beyond our comprehension.
At least to babble on incessantly as though we're more privileged beings that are subject to this comprehension/enlightenment.  Very few things celebrate the miracle appropriately.
The most, and best we can really do is to accept it graciously and nurture it.
Misery is far more interesting anyway.

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A text I sent to Nathan:

"I REALLY don't want to go outside.  I'm so tired... I just feel like it would put me into shock or something... I'm also very lonely and sad.  Overly contemplative.  Winter is really getting the best of me today.  I could sit here all day... and then randomly yell at someone for a flash judgement made on my behalf about how human and pointless they are."

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I had a dream about those guys.  I really loved them, but I had moved on... I had grown and they had remained more or less the same.  It made me sad.  Now I can't get them off my mind.

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If you were anything like me, then you would be like me.

There is an endless vessel containing reasons as to why I do what I do.  These reasons have pushed me, begged me, tortured me to be the extraordinary person that I am... to create the things that I have... to accomplish what I have.

I must do them.  If you do not then you do not know... you can only bare witness to it.

These reasons, are what make me, me.