Here I am

All my life I've been alone, but never have I been left alone.  Loneliness I've felt as an adolescent and even younger at times, was satiated... by the comfort of my parents, the sound of my dog... the distraction of a video game or book. 

Now here I am.  Alone.  Truly.  When he is gone it is myself, the dog, and my thoughts.  Where does this leave the 23-year old version of myself?

I built myself an army to distract my brain.  I thrive on concocting a universe where I am the celebrity, the caretaker, the best friend, the divinely wise, and most admirable of the group.  It's a lot of hard work to avoid being left alone with your thoughts.

Here I am now... I'm left alone with them,  a much greater ability to articulate them and completely at square 0.  It's intense.  It's horrifying.  It's fun.  But most of all, it's lead me to truly understand, that it may be much more difficult to not feel this way for the rest of my life.

Expect great things from me.

Christine Karamol

December 19, 2011 at 2:22 AM EST
Tampa, Florida