Monsters of Silk and Lace

Dwelling filled with haze,
The moon passes
Time and time again.

Corner dark and suffocating,
Entices seekers of something transient,
To embrace a threshold
Not often conquered.

Arising from the depths of slumber,
The real monsters have come out to play.

Unraveling the threads to your existence,
They are only doing,
What God has told them to.

My monsters dress in robes of silk and lace.
But then again,
So do yours.

Where to begin?

"Where does it end?" may be a better suited question.

If anyone has the slightest interest in my life, provided my near year-long absence from not only the internet but virtually everything and my few sporadic blog postings, one may be able to deduce that perhaps... life hasn't been, the most favorable.

But hell, who am I kidding?  I am so private, I bury my real exploits, my real feelings, and everything I honestly do in a day in a shroud of silliness and superficial pursuits.  Maybe that's my problem.  You see, I have this really aggravating blind spot in my personality where I somehow conceive that others obsessively think about the motives and feelings of other people enough to at least try and be understanding before arriving at hasty conclusions.  Sometimes it sort of floors me when I think about how sincerely I express my love, my intentions, my passions... even if the moments be brief.  I say more in a sentence than most people I know say in a day.

But I get it.  It's because most people are bastards.  When most people stop talking to you out of the blue with no reasonable explanation, it's because something stupid was left unsaid, paranoia rises... people assume, negative feelings brew, time separates what the cowards cannot.  Trust me, if I was upset with anyone... they would know why.  That has never been my style.  I usually send a letter... I never said I was entirely brave either.

So, if I'm not upset, all that's left is... something must be wrong.  And I'll be honest, there have been a lot of somethings wrong.  There have been a lot of somethings right too.  Overall, it's been a huge mess of just a lot.  I want to share my position of what has been happening, as to receive a better understanding but I will not based from the following thoughts...

What I have learned from not being on the internet was how to live life again.  I can't begin to explain how much my life has expanded from not worrying about what people were saying on facebook, or how to keep up with this artist or that cosplayer...

I've also come to realize how sad and watered down our social lives are anymore.  Everything that I now am can only be through what is on my facebook wall or my deviantart page or hell... my blog.  And it's not just me, everyone.  We spend so much time working ourselves up and over it that we make ourselves sick.  I know it makes me sick.

The past year has shaped me in ways that are honestly incomprehensible to even myself at times.  For the better portion of my existence, I have been a friend that overextends.  I took a forced year off and I needed it (even though I hated it).  My soul needed it.  None of the past year's expeditions from an outsider's perspective are what they seem... in the slightest, and there are a few who will account for this.

Needless to say, I have a VERY complicated life and I don't expect that to change.  If I haven't made contact in a while it's because I have such good reasons it would probably make anyone feel guilty if I told them.  So why not fix my complicated life?  That's not me and it never will be.  That comes with the package, so for the first time in my life I am going to say, if you don't like it... leave it.  I'll understand.

To those of you that I have hurt, because it does not shame me to admit that there have been several, I am sincerely sorry.  I understand that we all have different expectations of what an acceptable level of communication is and I have been absent from everyone'e life, even my family's.  To me, it seemed an inevitable process that most individuals should go through at one time or another, and perhaps even more than once as it was one of the most incredibly enlightening times of my life thus far.

I know I mean a lot to many.  It's difficult to balance and feel sane when you care as much as I do.  It's made me somewhat neurotic to be honest and I've been trying to remedy that so I can be even better to the ones that should know that I really do care about them.

Despite how I just wish I had understanding (which I do have from many).  Despite how hurt I've felt for a while now, I completely understand.  And I still am sorry.

Blatant Truth

I have spent a considerable amount of time fretting in tumultuous anxiety as to how to approach this current topic for well over four months now.  It's not my intention to begin so ambiguously but due to my honest intentions, it must be so.  Speaking of my intentions, I will state them outright before I begin.

This blog is intended to inform and expose the truth.  It is NOT intended to be a petty and slanderous rebuttal to people who honestly don't deserve those efforts to begin with anyway.

With that, I will begin...

A picture is worth a thousand words, so allow me to give you all not one, but several.

Recognize this place?  I hardly do.  This was once the home of my family and of my childhood.  I, myself, had lived there from the age of 8 until I was 19.  Not only was this my place of cherished memories but it served as one for countless people as well.  It was a home away from home (or in some cases more of a home) for handfuls of my friends.  My grandparents lived here for 7 years.  Other members of my family have spent considerable time here.  It was a safe haven.  A gathering place for holidays, famous parties and bonfires, and a healing environment when our entire family needed comfort most.

I know, without an unquestionable doubt that many people value this little sanctuary perhaps almost as much as I do and will be just as offended and appalled when they witness what had become of it.

Repulsed yet?  Come on in! It gets better...

So, there are tons more pictures, but I just can't bare to post anymore.  I don't believe more evidence of the profane filth these creatures left behind is necessary.

I tremble as I write and post these pictures.  My chest burns and my stomach turns.  And this is coming from me.  I don't place too high a value on material possessions and places.  They come and go and nothing lasts forever.  I had to let go and move on from nearly everything when I moved to Florida.  My only wish was to see my family be free from the burden of Northwest Ohio and that which was so they could move on too.

But this has been going on for months.  It has been the plague of my family and the blessed souls who have done everything in their part to help my family recover.

And in case you're uncertain, because I have yet to say, this is the result of tenants that my parents had rented to for 6 months.  These photos don't account for the reputed stench that would hit your face as soon as you entered (actually a few people who helped clean up this PIGG-stye remarked that the smell of cat urine and feces -which was everywhere, including the cats that went with it- could be smelled before entering).  They also don't account for the precipitous stress that my parents endured and thusly all of those who truly care about my family, or maybe even just other people who care about goodwill towards fellow man in general.

I have so much I could say.  So much anger-inspired words, further details in the likeness of these people using their children as pawns, lies about illnesses (and just about everything else), heavy denial, and lies.  So many lies.  I have witnessed the evidence from first and second hand accounts from more than just my parents.  Fortunately, justice has been served, but my voice deserved to be heard as well.

Now that the storm has mostly passed I am still left flabbergasted.  I am very hurt for reasons I choose not to disclose and I will forgive, but I will never forget.