Sunday, December 18, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
A brief update
Do you really want to know what's going on?
Are you sure you're ready to take in the full extent of what that entails?
If not, I'll break it to you slowly anyway.
We'll start with most basic...
1. I've officially gone off the deep end. I am aware of this fact making my previous statement somewhat null and void, but it serves its purpose. Everything in my life has lead up to this moment. What is "this moment?" Well, allow me to put it to you this way... for the past 2.5 weeks I have been producing something non-stop. I mean it. I don't go to bed until about 6 am most nights and wake up around 11:30-12:00. I hate getting up that late, but I won't go to bed any earlier.
Why has this happened?
I could give you the reasons, but it's rather lengthy. Let me give you the abridged version.
I have no friends here in Florida. This is not entirely true and I'm actually okay with this fact. I've been avoiding making friends intentionally. I'll admit it's a little daunting, but for over the past 3 years I have been looking forward to this silence. This doesn't change my overly social nature, however. So, even though I've needed this, I'm desperately lonely and it's making me mad. It's probably the main reason I've been distracting myself with so much artwork.
Does this mean I want sympathy and a conversation from you? Most likely "no." People never listen to what I'm really saying and I'm getting sick of it. I want to be left alone. I'm embracing this madness, but I really hate calling it that. I know this is beyond most people's heads (seriously, I don't care if it's arrogant... it's true) and I know that notion sounds melodramatic and attention grabbing, but I'm not that shallow. I am completely sincere. About saying I'm smarter overall, I think even my blog speaks volumes on my personal behalf.
Can you tell I'm sick of being nice?
RANDOM TANGENT MOMENT! (but semi-relevant)
Speaking of having enough of people's bullshit... there's this one person that drives me nuts on DA... in fact she's one of the very few that genuinely make me angry. She said some mean, completely unnecessary words to a very close friend of mine, without actually knowing him (yes this was in person) and it's kind of branded my impression of her ever since. She never has anything nice to say to anyone, so I posted this...
Just always remember, I am always capable of great evil, I'm just always too damn nice... I'm getting sick of this disposition. This message, is not evil. (After-blog comment: Oh and I just recently realized she's the art school brand of opinionated too... how lovely. They wouldn't know art if it was a dump-truck that ran them over. This is coming from someone with their BFA.)
Anyway, I see that my niceness has gotten me nowhere seemingly, as of late. I single-handedly put more effort into my relationships than anyone else I know. I can say that with so much confidence and not feel bad about it. I know in some instances, some people try to call me more than I call them, or try to get things together more (actually there are only 2 like this) but my lack of response usually is just a result of making sure I will say something MUCH bigger, much more worthwhile in the longrun. I just usually need a bit of time to think about it. I really care that much.
Generally, this has never been an issue for me. It comes with great benefits. I am literally the best friend of 9 people. At least, they've told me this. Do you know what that feels like? In some ways great, but admittedly in the long-term... it makes you feel like crap. You know its impossible to return the favor to all but 1 of these right? But I try. It gets exhausting. I probably will never stop either. My current anger is just a part of this... transition. It'll pass and be replaced by loads of semi-worth it friendships. And that my friends is NOT cynicism.
2. For those of you who care, I am not undergoing a sex change. A sex change would serve no purpose or functionality for anything in my life. My gender is not the point, that's the point.
Ken Adams is not an alter-ego, he's not a temporary project. I have committed to him and that's that. For a while I thought about explaining it, but if you have followed this blog for the past year, 6 months... 3 months even... you should be able to get a grasp as to "why?"
No more art from Christine Karamol ever. If I could help it, she wouldn't exist anymore. It would make all of this work so much more smoothly. Christine Karamol is not an alter-ego, Ken Adams is not... they are the same. Get use to it. That's my only advice.
It is not part of my prerogative to have to explain that to anyone and for once in my life I'm going to stand on that.
Yes, I'll still post on here, from time to time.
And yes, I am hurt by the lack of interest from my so-called "friends" in particular with anyone who considers themselves an artist... but I should have been able to have predicted this. I would be intimidated too.
I take that back. I'm nearly offended (but not surprised) by almost everyone.
Especially my family, extended and otherwise. Oh, how I've become an archetype... This is only but one of the ways...
I'm not really out to hurt anyone with this, as it's my least favorable activity on this planet, but it might happen. I acknowledge this. My apologies.
My feelings are capable of being hurt as well.
Are you sure you're ready to take in the full extent of what that entails?
If not, I'll break it to you slowly anyway.
We'll start with most basic...
1. I've officially gone off the deep end. I am aware of this fact making my previous statement somewhat null and void, but it serves its purpose. Everything in my life has lead up to this moment. What is "this moment?" Well, allow me to put it to you this way... for the past 2.5 weeks I have been producing something non-stop. I mean it. I don't go to bed until about 6 am most nights and wake up around 11:30-12:00. I hate getting up that late, but I won't go to bed any earlier.
Why has this happened?
I could give you the reasons, but it's rather lengthy. Let me give you the abridged version.
I have no friends here in Florida. This is not entirely true and I'm actually okay with this fact. I've been avoiding making friends intentionally. I'll admit it's a little daunting, but for over the past 3 years I have been looking forward to this silence. This doesn't change my overly social nature, however. So, even though I've needed this, I'm desperately lonely and it's making me mad. It's probably the main reason I've been distracting myself with so much artwork.
Does this mean I want sympathy and a conversation from you? Most likely "no." People never listen to what I'm really saying and I'm getting sick of it. I want to be left alone. I'm embracing this madness, but I really hate calling it that. I know this is beyond most people's heads (seriously, I don't care if it's arrogant... it's true) and I know that notion sounds melodramatic and attention grabbing, but I'm not that shallow. I am completely sincere. About saying I'm smarter overall, I think even my blog speaks volumes on my personal behalf.
Can you tell I'm sick of being nice?
RANDOM TANGENT MOMENT! (but semi-relevant)
Speaking of having enough of people's bullshit... there's this one person that drives me nuts on DA... in fact she's one of the very few that genuinely make me angry. She said some mean, completely unnecessary words to a very close friend of mine, without actually knowing him (yes this was in person) and it's kind of branded my impression of her ever since. She never has anything nice to say to anyone, so I posted this...
Pt. 2 (Yes, I'm being petty and vindictive in perhaps the most harmless, most respectful way...)
Just always remember, I am always capable of great evil, I'm just always too damn nice... I'm getting sick of this disposition. This message, is not evil. (After-blog comment: Oh and I just recently realized she's the art school brand of opinionated too... how lovely. They wouldn't know art if it was a dump-truck that ran them over. This is coming from someone with their BFA.)
Anyway, I see that my niceness has gotten me nowhere seemingly, as of late. I single-handedly put more effort into my relationships than anyone else I know. I can say that with so much confidence and not feel bad about it. I know in some instances, some people try to call me more than I call them, or try to get things together more (actually there are only 2 like this) but my lack of response usually is just a result of making sure I will say something MUCH bigger, much more worthwhile in the longrun. I just usually need a bit of time to think about it. I really care that much.
Generally, this has never been an issue for me. It comes with great benefits. I am literally the best friend of 9 people. At least, they've told me this. Do you know what that feels like? In some ways great, but admittedly in the long-term... it makes you feel like crap. You know its impossible to return the favor to all but 1 of these right? But I try. It gets exhausting. I probably will never stop either. My current anger is just a part of this... transition. It'll pass and be replaced by loads of semi-worth it friendships. And that my friends is NOT cynicism.
2. For those of you who care, I am not undergoing a sex change. A sex change would serve no purpose or functionality for anything in my life. My gender is not the point, that's the point.
Ken Adams is not an alter-ego, he's not a temporary project. I have committed to him and that's that. For a while I thought about explaining it, but if you have followed this blog for the past year, 6 months... 3 months even... you should be able to get a grasp as to "why?"
No more art from Christine Karamol ever. If I could help it, she wouldn't exist anymore. It would make all of this work so much more smoothly. Christine Karamol is not an alter-ego, Ken Adams is not... they are the same. Get use to it. That's my only advice.
It is not part of my prerogative to have to explain that to anyone and for once in my life I'm going to stand on that.
Yes, I'll still post on here, from time to time.
And yes, I am hurt by the lack of interest from my so-called "friends" in particular with anyone who considers themselves an artist... but I should have been able to have predicted this. I would be intimidated too.
I take that back. I'm nearly offended (but not surprised) by almost everyone.
Especially my family, extended and otherwise. Oh, how I've become an archetype... This is only but one of the ways...
I'm not really out to hurt anyone with this, as it's my least favorable activity on this planet, but it might happen. I acknowledge this. My apologies.
My feelings are capable of being hurt as well.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
A New Blogger!
Check it out here: (because yes, the rabbit hole goes much deeper...)
http://k3nadam5.blogspot.com/
I'll still post on this one, but it will be undergoing some renovation...
http://k3nadam5.blogspot.com/
I'll still post on this one, but it will be undergoing some renovation...
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